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Old Feb 03, 2013, 01:57 PM
Anonymous37917
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My T has told me that things I have done or said disturb him or make him angry or upset. Mainly to do with me putting my negative feelings and ideas about myself onto him. He was actually kind of teary on one occasion, and was emphatic that what I was saying was my stuff and not his (although I was sure he felt that way).

My sister had a T who tried to tell her that part of the reason why her real life relationships were going badly was because she was so negative and had nothing good to say ever. My sister exploded and was super angry, saying that therapy was supposed to be a safe place to talk about upsetting, bad things. But, in my opinion, the therapist had a great point. My sister did have huge problems with her real life relationships for that exact reason, a pattern which was re-enacting itself in her therapy. My sister refused to listen or see it.

So, sometimes, the negative feedback from a therapist is really to try to help you grow and see your patterns and that they affect your therapy and therapist as they do your real life. Therapy may be a safe place to express things, but by the same token, if the therapist never points out to your how your behavior, actions or words affect other people around you, are they doing you any favors?

I do not believe that normal rules of interaction are totally suspended in the therapy relationship. Yes, there are different rules, but I do not believe that you can behave badly in therapy and not expect it to affect the therapeutic relationship.
Thanks for this!
CantExplain, pbutton