I think you would do well to seek professional help. There is no reason for you to suffer so when there is help out there. You have to determine what kind of help you respond to. Some respond well to talk therapy and some do well with self-help books and educating themselves. At the very least, you probably should be on some medication. I do find that my medication provides a sort of baseline for my depression. If I go lower than that baseline, either something really terrible has happened in my life, or the meds aren't working any more. Please do something to help yourself. And stay with us, we provide some pretty good support here, even if you just need a virtual hug.