Button, I'm wondering how much of your staying with this T can be linked to your staying with your ex for so long, despite your being unhappy with her.

I wonder if you think your T is the only person who will listen to you? That it's ok to be talked over in your own therapy session, and to do the *minority* of the talking, which is clearly not working for you (and I think would be distressing for a lot of patients), because this is the ONLY person who will show you kindness?

As you know, I'm not a huge fan of your T . I am all for making the choice to be happy, but what I don't like about her is that she seems to be ok with your changing being gay, rather than changing your attitude and outlook on living life as a gay woman. Being positive is a choice, but being gay isn't! I think if I didn't know she felt this way, I might be more ok with what she's saying. I also think I'd feel better about it if it had been a dialogue with you, rather than a monologue. You can listen to people go on and on about choices and changes for free on youtube. You're looking for someone to listen to YOU and YOUR struggles.

I've definitely told a T stuff and had the T, at the time, totally drop the ball in terms of picking up how big it was for me. It's an AWFUL feeling.

I hear you on the body image stuff. I struggle with that a lot. It's been hard to focus on changing my lifestyle to be healthy, and not to be skinny (I too have never been overweight but have always felt like I am). It seems similar to the question of your sexuality to me because the solution has never been JUST to be thin, the solution has been to take care of myself and accept the body that I'm doing my best with. Just like the solution will never be to change your sexuality, it will be finding a way to be a happy the way you are.

I saw your other post about your 20 minutes of therapy that was good for you, and I'm hoping that gives you a little more optimism about finding a therapy that actually helps you? You don't have to stay with this T. Just like I bet if you could go back in time and talk to your younger self, you might tell her that she doesn't have to put up with the unkind treatment from your ex, and that it's not worth it to stay with someone just because they seem like they'll be the only one.

(Also, just as an aside, as an American who has seen or spoken to many therapists, very few of them used the session to talk or rant -- don't be deterred by a T who trained here, they're all different!)

A T doesn't have to be bad for you to leave anyway... sometimes the fit just isn't there. Actually, I just left a T who was a lovely, kind, compassionate person, and I truly am happy to have met him and worked with him while I was working things out withe my former-now-current T. It's true that I left in the end to go back to my old T... but at some point, it became clear that I wouldn't have stayed with him on a more "permanent" basis anyway. There were just some aspects of his style that I didn't find helpful. It doesn't make me a bad patient or him a bad T, it just means we don't quite match the way my old T and I do.

I hope this doesn't come off as pushy, as only you know what's right for you and I know it's an emotionally difficult prospect for you, finding a new T. But I am both curious about whether this is at all like your staying with your ex for so long, and also hoping very much that if it is, you can find a way to break that pattern this time