I think this is really great insight, Fixated. Sounds like being liked is a way to not be invisible, and a way to convince yourself of your own worth. And it also seems like changing yourself to fit what others expect from you is almost protective of yourself, because it seems you think that no one would like the real you.

I also struggle sometimes with feeling like everyone hates me and I have no friends and so on (not just here, I mean in general). It's SO not true but it always means there is something else going on -- most likely that I can't let go of something about myself, and so I can't see how anyone else would like me, either. Chances are, no one is tougher on you than that awful voice in your head (that maybe you got from your parents?).

I've always had lots of friends, but I've never been popular. Not unpopular, but not popular. Every so often I'd wonder why the hell that was, but ultimately, it just is what it is. If I had to choose between the two, I'd take lots of friends any day.

And I do think that being concerned about everyone liking you actually really backfires sometimes. I had this one friend in college who just had to be liked by everyone, she really really wanted to be popular. And she sure did know a lot of people. But the problem was, she was so focused on trying to be liked by everyone, that she'd be on her phone constantly -- even when out with a group of friends. She asked me once, frankly, if she was on her phone too much, and I told her that it was hard to feel like she was really present with me when she absolutely could not resist the urge to answer the phone every time it rang, for fear of losing the "friend" on the other end. I wasn't the only one who felt that way.

Another sorta-friend I had, over one summer, I was becoming closer to, and she was kind of a difficult person to get along with but I was liking getting to know her. One day I was talking to her on the phone, and she sighed about how none of her friends ever called her. I thought this was her just kind of having a bummed out moment, so I said cheerfully, "But I'm calling you now!" And she said, "Yeah, but none of my GOOD friends call me." I didn't call her again. Different versions of this have happened over the course of my life, and I am pretty much fresh out of patience for being told by someone I care about that nobody cares about them (of course, I don't mind if they're just in a low place and are able to acknowledge that that isn't true and it's more that they just feel really bad about particular people not seeming to care, but when it becomes a persistent conversation... well, it's hard to feel like your friendship and caring is valued when it is so sweepingly negated).

What I'm saying is... thinking in extremes is shooting yourself in the foot. Focus on the friendships you DO have, or the connections you could see brewing. There are people I have met here that I actually refer to as "friends" in real life if I want to refer vaguely to something they said that I found clever or interesting. "A friend of mine said..." There are people here with whom I am friendly and like to touch base with. So, how to connect with people here? My advice would be, get invested in threads about issues that hit close to home for you. You don't have to have the answers, sometimes all a person needs to hear is that they aren't alone. Go ahead and PM people who appear to be regulars with whom you have something in common.

The couch is a tough place to connect, for me. For some people it's great; for me, I'm happier just popping in when I can. I HAVE made connections there, for sure, and I have mad love for the couchkateers and other people on PC. But I think a lot of us have had the experience of having a post ignored there. Or even on the forum -- the first thing I posted got two responses. Two. And that's not really anyone's fault, it just kind of is what it is on an internet forum. It's hard to feel like you have to build a thick skin to talk to people about psychotherapy! But like others have said, it's like practice for real life. There are fewer consequences and it's easier to start over after a faux pas, but sometimes it can still feel lonely. Sometimes you do want more "Thanks" or "Hugs". But, that's a great opportunity to ask yourself why that's what you think you want or need.

So, just like in real life, I feel like people have come to know who I am by my focusing on places where I think I have something useful to say. Don't overwhelm yourself with worrying about everybody. Look for the foundations of a few relationships -- I'll bet they are there.

And remember to use the same standards for yourself that you use for other people. There must be people in your life who you hold in high regard, for whom you have a lot of respect. And surely there are people who don't like them. That doesn't make them less worthy -- and it doesn't make you less worthy, either. And when you're ready, I'd bet that there are plenty of people who would like the real you, and that those people will more than make up for the people who inevitably won't.

If I remember right, your job situation is rough right now, and you're in a new city. These things can't be helping. It won't be this hard forever, hang in there