Reading this does help some of us. What you wrote is exactly how I feel and as much ad I hate to know you go through this, it is nice to see my thoughts written in such a clear and concise manner and to know I'm not alone. I miss it sooo much that I'm crying right now. Just to feel okay for a few minutes seems like it would be worth it, but the consequences can last forever. I didnt quit for me, I quit for God, and for the consequences of emotionally hurting others. As for you're trigger question, I have heard thatvthis is very common, you probably will find more in the sexual issues section, and survivors of abuse section. Having gone through very little trauma/abuse, I cant really answer from experience. I do knoe that when Im feeling really down and my mind wont quit calling mr horrible things, that I want to cut and sear them into my flesh. I hope you can find a good T. I ne to schedul appt with my new one, still havent met.