I'm sorry you can relate to that feeling, because it is tough. It is so nice to be able to talk to people here who understand some of those things that others don't.

It's tough because it's like, well yes T, that's the exact thing I don't like about myself, that I can't just get out there, be a great person and make the most of what I've got. I am trying, but it is my thoughts that really hold me back, and that's my struggle. Sometimes the thoughts and feelings have hurt me so much, that when I was in extreme physical pain at the same time, to the point of not being able to stand up without doubling over, my body did register that physical pain (that I couldn't stand or walk), but I actually couldn't feel the pain hurting. It didn't hurt and it was so minor compared to the emotional pain I was experiencing at the time. I actually wished the physical pain was worse still, so it would distract me from the other pain. So I tend to think it's not fair to say it doesn't hurt. It might not be the same kind of hurt, but it hurts, and it's awful to feel this way so often. It's exhausting. I think some T's forget how hard the constant uphill battle is sometimes.

My T gave me that example, saying there was just the one time she felt so bad and unable to do anything except give in for a while. I'd never wish for T to have gone through anything worse, but I think, because it was just that once, that she forgets how hard it is when you never, never truly shake that feeling.