Hello,

I relate so well to the way you describe yourself. I also have problems with anxious attachments and fear of loss. Like you also, my childhood was also troubled. I've discovered that a lack of nurturing, problems with bonding, and emotional abuse/neglect have been more damaging to me than anything else I've gone through (including SA).

Although it's impossible to accurately diagnose anybody on PC, you should look into the possibility that you may have some kind of attachment disorder, borderline personality disorder, or Complex PTSD. I would advise you to seek therapy and make sure you are feeling stable for a good amount of time before you undertake any sort of upsetting/traumatic work in your sessions.

While EMDR has helped many, many people, it did not work for me. My emotions are so sensitive, and I am so easily overstimulated both psychologically and physically that I found EMDR to be traumatizing. I have had to spend a large amount of time first just learning to trust my therapist, allow myself to express my emotions, and learn basic coping skills that I should have learned as a child but didn't.

For me, "trauma work" has had to take place slowly, in small chunks, in order for me to be able to process it. Otherwise, I felt overwhelmed and depressed after sessions, and the material we'd discussed would continue roiling in my subconscious for a good 2-3 days afterward, making it very hard for me to concentrate on my work and taking care of my daily responsibilities. Also, any amount of emotional release, like deep sobbing, just leave me physically exhausted! Thus, the need for me to "go slow" in therapy work.

You sound like a very sensitive person too. Make sure that you supplement any difficult emotional work in therapy with good self-soothing strategies. Learn good self-care and coping skills. Learn relaxation techniques. A good therapist can help you do this. This way, you can keep yourself built up while you deal with those painful experiences from your past.

Best wishes,
Peaches