The only papers I signed when starting therapy have been a general contract stating that I understand when confidentiality may be broken, that I agree to a set fee for each appointment, and information regarding how to cancel appointments.

These are my first impressions of therapists I've seen and how that played out down the road.

Therapist #1: (long-term) - Psychodynamic
I was comfortable right away with him because he seemed like a normal guy. I was worried I was going to get an old guy with a beard. Instead, I got a normal person with a sleeve tattoo. Looking back, I was comfortable with him, but I was also very intimidated by him. I had such a hard time staying with any line of conversation and the ending was so terrible in that I felt completely abandoned. I know now that while I think we were a decent match professionally, his lack of experience cost me the ability to heal. I think I knew this during the therapy, but I was so desperate that I didn't want to acknowledge it.

Therapist #2: (short-term while @ school) - CBT
I felt reasonably comfortable with her, but quickly realized that she didn't know how to help me. I still tried to use her as a support but it ended very badly with her breaking confidentiality and I didn't go back to her. So, even though I knew it wasn't going to work, I pushed it and it blew up in my face. Not so great :P

Therapist #3: (interviewed her while shopping for a new long-term T) DBT
Seemed nice, but I was uncomfortable for a couple reasons right off the bat. First, I had to see her at a psych. hospital. Second, she was a woman. Third, I didn't like her office. I had to sit in a regular chair and was too close to her physically. Fourth, my Pdoc had sent her information about me without telling me, part of which said that I had a trauma history. I had never told Pdoc about having a trauma history so I don't know where the heck that came from. It really put me on the spot and I felt like I didn't have a choice as to what I was able to share or keep private. I left feeling very raw. Also, she asked me literally over a 100 questions in that intake session. Fifth, she wanted me to sign a consent to talk to Pdoc & her assistant at any time. I wasn't comfortable agreeing to that right away, which didn't go over well. Sixth, I found out she is friends with my sister in law's sister, which I was uncomfortable with. Seventh, she was late and didn't apologize.

I did tell her that I was interviewing someone else as well, and did call her to tell her that I was going with a different therapist. I did this because there was (and still is) a chance that I could go back to her in the future.

Looking back, I know I made the right decision because I don't do well with a pushy tell-me-everything-like-it-doesn't-even-matter approach that pressures you into basically lying, I feel. I felt so raw that I knew it wasn't the approach for me, at the time.

Therapist #4: (current therapist - long term) Relational psychoanalysis

I was skeptical about this therapist because he was referred to me by therapist #1. I was also worried because he is older and has a beard - something I've always been afraid of for some reason. He was super kind from the get go, but I initially was worried because he seemed a little slow on the uptake. I soon realized that I think I was trying to rush through things with him and he was trying to slow me down a bit. Also, he was trying very hard to understand me and thus took his time responding. He was very kind to me from the beginning, offering me his home phone & email. I was a little slow to accept his kindness and trusting him has taking a long time, because I was scared based on previous experiences. Things have been going really well and while there have been a few hiccups trust wise, I feel like real change is happening.

The difference between T#1 and #4 for me has been that I was so desperate for solutions that I tried to make T#1 work even though I knew I wasn't progressing and with T#4, I've purposely tried to stay more separate from him because I don't want to be hurt if he abandons me as well. However, T#4 is so different in that I feel like he genuinely understands me. T#1 said he understood, but T#4 actually feels like he does.

Also, you tend to pick up on other things that tell you the type of person your therapist is. T#1 once told me that since I was his most senior client and always showed up for appointments, that if he was already booked full, he'd bump another client so I could see him. I didn't like that he would be willing to bump someone else - I mean, what if they needed that session more? I felt like he just wanted to book me because I was a definite pay cheque.

With T#4, he knows that I'm weary of being a burden and constantly reminds me that I can contact him between sessions, book extra sessions, etc. He is so genuinely kind to me, in a way that I've never experienced. I feel like he genuinely cares about me and that I'm not just a pay cheque.

So.....after all that rambling, I think it's important to trust your instincts with people, but at the same time, give people the chance to show who they really are. No therapist is going to be perfect, but you will be able to tell who is a better fit for you if you are honest and give it some time.