I just self harmed for the first time since November,
I feel nothing towards it only that I want to feel it again.
Tomorrow morning will be the hang over of guilt but for tonight I do not care.

I hate BPD, i hate all that caused it, I hate that I can't see what's real and what's not.

I hate that the only thing that feels real is the sensation of holding that lighter to my wrist.

I ****ing hate mental illness and everything it makes is feel, do and say.