i have been analysing it for ages! i don't wish to sound arrogant but i don't think i have A holitis. i do see your point tho, and the reason i'm questioning whether it may be a PD is because these feelings do affect a lot of areas in my life and even i can see they're skewed at best.

i actually have quite a lot of friends: the difference is i don't really see them. my very best friend lives 100 miles away so we talk on the phone quite a lot but i only see her maybe twice a year, and that's kind of how i like it. i am the same with other friends, i can chat with them on email, msn, text message, even the phone, but that doesn't mean i want to physically see them. almost all my friends live some distance away.

i don't think i feel superior to them, they're my mates, we get along, however, i do think i feel it sometimes with strangers; and i think this could related to the physical thing: i just feel totally apart from people, and if they come near me i feel this "get AWAY from me, don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't look at me" kind of thing going on.

if i put myself in a situation where i know i'll be seeing people and interacting, i'm ok, but in things like public transport it's a total nightmare.

there is one thing, which is that i definitely don't want to make more friends. my friends know me, at least to an extent, they've stuck by me through a hell of a lot, and i them, for a long time, and i'm comfortable with them. but i don't like having to make the effort to talk to new people: it's not social shyness, i can talk to them all evening if i have to, but then i want to go away from them, and never see them again. it's all quite detached.

i know that you say that humans are social creatures, and to an extent i think that's true, but then, on some level at least, i do socialise: i'm not antisocial, i just feel it. however, i don't feel any emotional attachment to people: even my friends.

with my family there is just zero connection, full stop, really. with my friends it's a bit more than that, i mean, i chose to be friends with them, i opened myself up to that experience, and they did likewise so there is a mutual trust, or respect or liking or whatever, but i still don't feel emotional ties.

i just don't seem to feel the emotions that "normal" people feel: for instance, when i was told my grandparents had died, i was very much like "oh" and it just kind of passed me by. the rest of the family was quite upset, and i felt a bit bad about it because it was like i didn't care. and it wasn't that i didn't want to care, it was just that i didn't feel anything in me like caring. it sounds callous, but when someone tells me someone's died, i just don't see what the fuss is about. and i kind of feel that's wrong. in fact, i don't *feel* it but as a relatively intelligent being, i can see that it's not the norm and also that it can be seen as offensive to not register anything on occasions like death/birth/marriage etc.

i hope i don't sound too Aholitis, i don't wish to be an Ahole, but i do acknowledge that there are elements of my reactions and relations with others that are seriously off balance and i think i need to work out why i have these reactions and how to work through them. i don't really have insecurity about my "being" if that makes sense, i do about things in my early life that all seem to be quite linked in with this whole thing, and quite a bit of anger too, although hatred would be going too far. i definitely don't think i have grandiosity or narcissism, but like i said, something ain't right....