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Originally Posted by SallyBrown
I have always been like that too, and for me, I can think of a couple reasons that I have done stuff like this. I think a lot of times, for me, it was a huge fear of failure, and that if I quit something, it meant I failed it. No matter how bad that thing was for me. Turbulent friendships, ballet class, emotionally abusive relationships, my college major -- wow actually I really do do this a lot. Anyway some of those things bore fruit, but all required me to change in SOME way, or leave something behind, and to find a way to cope with a failure that wasn't even a failure. Sometimes with relationships, I think one component was sincerely feeling like it could be fixable, and I could not leave the possibility of the relationship becoming good behind. Or something like that. And definitely, there was also an undercurrent of questioning whether I deserved to be happier elsewhere.
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I too questioned this after the end of our relationship but during the relationship I didn't question anything because it would cause a fight. I gave away everything to her including my power. I am not proud if it now but at the time I didnt believe that I was deserving of anything, I always beleived I was a horrible person and wondered what she was doing with me.
Has it gotten any better for you Sally? I mean can you now recognise an abusive relationship and make the decision to walk away?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SallyBrown
No problem, don't mind answering. No specific event for me. In fact what's more perplexing is the my parents really went out of their way to make sure they did not make comments or anything like that that might cause me to hate my appearance. They really didn't want me to have those body issues. But they came anyway. I was a really scrawny kid, when I look back at photos, but I always saw fat. People TOLD me I was skinny but I still saw fat. I think that even though my parents made a gallant effort, the problem is, when someone is (1) depressed anyway and (2) pushed hard for perfection in other areas, that kind of lack of self-worth and inability to accept oneself bleeds into other aspects of life, and don't just stay in one place. And then, of course, the media does not help. Not at all. But I had these issues before I ever opened a Victoria's Secret catalog. What about you? Sounds like your mom did not have the same goals as my parents in that area  . |
I blame the media for our body image and disorganised thinking.
You were lucky to have your parents support and love
but I think if we have something in our heads about appearnce, no matter how much someone tells us, these thoughts will stay.
My parents always said cruel and nasty things to me which left me with a lot of emotional scars and also my ex stopped being intimate with me the minute we moved in together, this largely influenced my negative thoughts around my body image.
Sally, do you accept your body any easier now after therapy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SallyBrown
Whoa! What a terrible thing to say! How pessimistic. I remember when I was seriously getting ready to leave my husband, my T kept reminding me that I should not stay with him just because I didn't think there was anything else out there, and that I had plenty to offer and that it would not be the end. Goodness! You will most definitely find love again. It may require more time and work than feels possible right now, but love's out there. And as CE said above, you can certainly have a family without getting married to a man. There are SO many possibilities and I wish she would help you explore them.
I think it's a relatively good thing that your T is up front about the fact that she is out of her depth when it comes to issues of sexuality that aren't out of the box of husband/wife/babies. But, ouf. I mean, you are training to be a T -- you know the importance of empathy. Just because I'm not gay doesn't mean I don't relate to your issue of hating something about yourself that you can't change. So, it's rather disappointing that she isn't trying to find a way to feel your experience.
I'm really glad you're trying to get your power back, Button  . Your ex certainly seems to have tried to take it from you, but it really is yours.
That's very kind of you! I'm glad what I said was helpful. I have realized, through my own therapy journey, that becoming a therapist might actually have been a good career track for me, and if I could tolerate the idea of more school, I might even go for it now. But, I have kept counseling in my mind as something I could pursue, maybe, if I ever become dissatisfied with my current career track. It's great to hear that it's not totally inconceivable! |
This is what makes me mad: t wont even try to understand my situation it feels asd though she just wants to brush this digusting sexuality talk under the carpet. If she knows nothing about it, shouldn't she refer me to someone who does?
If you can share empathy and relate surely t could at least try.. I get the impression that she is disgusted by it and this makes me feel ashamed all over again, this is why I can't come out because I have heard so much hatred towards gays and lesbians. I think t is homophobic. She refers to a couple she seen on tv- this seems to be her only point of reference. I had heard that t had an affair years ago that ruined her family- she doesn't have much sympathy towards me and I wonder is this because she has had an affair but I remember you saying before you have had affairs in the past but yet you have soooo much empathy and can totally relate to my situation, You have done all the work and I think my t needs to work more on it. As for being a t, you would make a great one
I mean that sincerly. I started late in life so I have full faith in anyone who wants to persue their dreams, its never too late.
tHANK YOU AGAIN FOR ALL OF YOUR OPENESS AND HONESTY AND ALL OF YOUR HELP
How are you and your husband doing lately? I hope you could work things out