((((Mama)))) oh dear, what stands out for me in your post is that you mentioned your T is frustrated WITH YOU for going at your own pace and for taking things super slow...and for not understanding your needs. Especially, that she doesn't understand the fact that you NEED to guard yourself (protect yourself), because she has a good relationship with her H. That doesn't sound very supportive at all. Especially with all that you have been through / and are going through.

I am confused

One second, she sounds like a Mama Lion protecting you FROM H because he can be scary/dangerous (you have a safety plan), and then next minute, it sounds as if she is pushing you out of the nest on/at him, encouraging you to be vulnerable and let your guard down...like a baby bird being thrown out of the nest into a pack of wolves.

I hope you will give yourself a gigantic break, my dear friend. You are living under the same roof as someone you are afraid of and dealing with healing past traumas. And that you cannot - for all intents and purposes - get away from.

Perhaps you are the type of person that naturally needs your breathing space and some alone time. I know after T, the LAST thing I want to do is be around anyone. It is hard. I feel spent and exhausted and sometimes not well.

If he is in your face all the time, making demands of you, and then on top of everything else, you have to service him at his whim, where is the "me time" in all of that for you to heal enough to let your guard down.

I am sorry but I just wish (sooo much) that he would pick up a dish, rub your back, kiss your hand, bring you flowers, take the kids for the day so you can hang out with the girls. Or do whatever it is that you love to do.

You are precious.