I recently posted a question in this forum on emotional abuse as I had been believing I was, but wasn't sure. This forum has helped me greatly in discovering that yes, I AM emotionally abused and has led me to research why on earth I have allowed this to go on for so long.

In my research, I have discovered that I am codependent and married to a narcissist. It all makes so much sense now. I only wish I had realized this LONG ago so I could have done something to fix ME sooner. I am reading "Codependent No More" and it's like a light bulb has gone on in my brain.

I now realize that I cannot change him, although I have been telling him that I will no longer tolerate his emotional abuse. We've been through a lot, including an affair he had a little over a year ago. He has been doing better just recently, but I wonder how long it will last. Can he change just by knowing that I am done tolerating this behavior (setting personal boundaries)? He seems to be truly concerned that I may leave. Or is this yet another attempt for me to control and fix him? As codependents do, am I grabbing at yet another morsel he is throwing me or is he truly trying to change? It's only been VERY recently that I've begun setting personal boundaries, so it may be too soon to tell. I am NOT staying because I have "loving" feelings toward him. I actually really resent him and especially me as I have allowed this to go on for so long. I feel like I have wasted so much of my life devoted to someone who has given back so very little. I am responsible for this behavior of mine and for allowing him to control me; however, I don't know how long I should give it to see if he's truly changing or just pacifying me for now. Any suggestions?

I have other typical feelings codependents have such as feeling "trapped" and thinking of ways to escape. Yet, I feel compelled to give him another chance as he seems to be trying.

The bottom line is, I am ready to change me and my circumstances, but am not sure what the right thing is to do. Part of me just wants to leave and get myself healthy and then maybe I'll be ready for a healthy relationship. The other part of me feels obligated to stay and give things one last chance as I've always had strong beliefs in commitment to marriage and not getting divorced.

I just don't know what to do. Any thoughts are appreciated.