OE thanks, it is just hard to keep my head up some days. I feel defeated.

"Rose you are exactly right:

One second, she sounds like a Mama Lion protecting you FROM H because he can be scary/dangerous (you have a safety plan), and then next minute, it sounds as if she is pushing you out of the nest on/at him, encouraging you to be vulnerable and let your guard down...like a baby bird being thrown out of the nest into a pack of wolves"

This is anextreemly accurate depiction of what is going on. I don't know what she is looking for. She seems to think it is easy to just throw my hands up, let my guard down and say sure, here, all is forgiven, I know you will be an *** next week but for today lets play love.

Nope not this ol girl. Scare me ,yell at me, don't give me money, keep me praticially hostage, then act like all is good. Play nice, be calm, question why I'm like I am, act like you care, then baam!!!! He is back, it was all a sham, pretending, lies, and totally fake. Then he blames me for not letting him in to my heart. I just don't know. I feel stupid for staying, I was so close to leaving and now I stayed and I feel used because I decided to stay.