I don't understand why I feel the way I do. I continue to be depressed despite every intervention imaginable, including a weekly DBT group. There are times when I'm suicidal and times that I self harm. This weekend my thoughts went from suicide, then to self-harm. I feel like no one understands me and nor do I.

I've been on sick leave for about 2.5 months now and hospitalized 2 times during this time. The thought of going back to work creates a lot of anxiety, so I don't know when I'll go back. The 1st hospitalization was because of an overdose that landed me in the ICU and the 2nd was because of an overdose that was intercepted by my husband. My husband has issued an ultimatum saying he will leave me if there are anymore overdoses. His ultimatum scares me since I'm usually preoccupied with overdosing.

I'm very fortunate to have what I have, but I'm still depressed. I have my husband and my son. I have a great job and a nice house.

One thing really bothering me is a CPS investigation. CPS won't let me be alone with my son because they're worried I will either kill myself or my son. I told them that I can guarantee I would never hurt my son. My Therapist and Psychiatrist both said I wouldn't hurt my son. This is killing me. When can I be alone with him? The caseworker from CPS won't return my calls.

Diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder

Current meds are: 1200 mg Lithium, 400 mg Seroquel, 150 mg Seroquel PRN,
Prozac 40 mg, Wellbutrin 150 mg, Levothyroxine 100 mg

Does anyone have suggestions for me? I'm frustrated that I'm not getting better.