I would use a combination of the fake cigs and patch.

Quitting smoking is so difficult because its often associated with a pleasant activity or it helps the smoker relieve stress. If you use the patch and limit yourself to half a fake-cig? then it may be easier for you to eventually quit. You have to train yourself into believing that the cig isn't needed in those contexts. It only really works if you don't want to smoke anymore, though. (You have to be ready blahblah)

Don't stop drinking the coffee right away. If you want to quit you'd have to taper off. You probably have a caffeine dependency.

You really should look into some kind of therapy or mindfulness program. Feeling helpless can be a factor in over-sensitivity. Having a lot of hurt in the past that is not resolved/accepted can make it difficult to move forward in an emotional-way. Where you're at is normal, though. It takes times to look at oneself and examine behaviors/thought processes that can change and then implement that change. It took me a few years of actively examining myself and asking for feedback before I was able to change some of my thought processes/behaviors.