No, you are not. You have your reasons for not going and they are complicated, but I doubt they are about other things, and not about the love you have for your grandma. She was thinking of you, and you were thinking of her, and often that is all the good-bye we get to have. Still it is precious, that holding one another in your hearts.

I am so sorry you lost your grandma I will be thinking of you. Please be kind and gentle with yourself in your grief.