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Originally Posted by lisacj
I didn't realize my ex was NPD until after 17 years of marriage and our divorce. Just like you said.....It all makes so much sense now. You're lucky there was only affair!!
I too am co-dependant (I've know that forever) but I thought it was only on his drinking. I wish I could give you some good advice.....but I didn't realize anything until it was over, and he had me feeling lower than a flea!! He destroyed my confidence (not that I had that much), ability to think for myself, many many many friendships and much more.
I am glad it's over!! I will never regret because of my incredible daughter. I know I am a stronger and better person now.
I will be glad to chat if you need to.
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Thank-you so much Lisa!
It's really weird because now that I have the awareness of why we have had SO MANY problems over the past 18 years, I actually am beginning to feel somewhat empowered. I felt so emotionally numb and dead for so long. I've cried myself to sleep many nights as I have felt so lost and hopeless in this relationship. I'm not crying over it anymore as I know I do not have to be a doormat.
I am so sad to hear all that you went through, but am so happy to hear that you are doing so well now! We also have a daughter together and I am terrified that she is going to repeat the pattern. It's all she's ever seen. She's had no good male role models in her life. She's seen my dad take advantage of and be emotionally abusive to my mom and my husband's dad was an alcohlic and also emotionally abusive to his whole family. My husband has not been very engaged with our daughter over the years. Yet another reason I wish I would have left years ago.
He's truly felt more like a roommate than a partner, and a bad roommate at that. Now he does things when I ask him too as I keep telling him that I am done being treated like this, but often it's obvious he's doing things out of obligation. I try to encourage the positive behavior as he does seem to be trying.
Anyway, I appreciate your feedback. I am praying that I will know when/if it's time to leave. Something has to change as I just can't do this anymore.