Calista I completely get self sabotage. I noticed for me it is a way to gain control over my situation. I turn to self sabotage as a comforting mechanism, as in I know what to expect and how to make it work. The self loathing that comes with it also brings me comfort as its familiar. For me its all a control issue. I can control the self sabotage and I know what it will bring, no surprises. I am sorry your family is rejecting. When I am rejected it just jump starts my urge to punish me. I am trying very hard not to continue with this pattern as the outcome is always the same. I set out to get all the hurt and pain I deserve. I can make the pain and sadness I feel on the inside, match on the outside. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy. I hope you stay with T and discuss all this.