Bless you all so much, I'm amazed at your kindness and grateful for your replies. They really, have taken me by surprise. I know there are kind people here, but even I get bored with my own negativity and servings of misery soup.
Thought I'd update you.
In the last 2 days I have managed to :
Speak to my own doctor.
Have a shower, ( as in stand up long enough, without feeling faint. I do wash, but daily showers just became too much effort.)
Actually ate some meals and enjoyed them
( Albeit instant micro dinner / egg on toast. )
Spoken to my 'Big Brother' all the way from Umpa Umpa land , twice.
Played some music.
Watched t.v.
Loaded and unloaded the dishwasher.
Arranged for blood tests.
Actually answered my phone, rather than ignore it.
Enjoyed early morning cups of tea.
2 min tidy up of kitchen ( it's disgusting still ! But felt faint again .)
Opened my bedroom window and breathed fresh air ! ( Have not even looked out, in months ! )
Tried to arrange for a hairdresser to come to do major overhaul.
( Last had hair colour done Dec. 2011 .)

Feel terrible admitting to the world, that it's been so long since I even opened my window, loaded my dishwasher, had my hair done. Even watched t.v.
( noticed the soaps haven't got any better ! )
Even my birthday, Christmas day , I did few of the above things.

That's over 365 days without enjoying much. That's not living.
That's scary