most of the time i feel like i can't or shouldn't talk to my husband about how i feel. for the past few days i've been finding myself breaking down and crying - not even sure why - and i try to hide it from him but he still notices and sometimes he does something to try to cheer me up but most of the time he just says something kind of patronizing (i don't know if he means to or not) and then we might cuddle but mostly i just go off to my corner and he keeps doing what he's doing and it's like there's a wall between us.

i feel like i don't know how to talk to him anymore. or anyone, really. and it doesn't help that he's been sick lately so there's not much physical contact going on because he doesn't want to get me sick...then again, there hasn't been much physical contact between us for a really long time. i don't know how to act toward him anymore. i don't know what to do.

one more week til therapy starts. i just hope i can afford it this time.