I would "forget" the other woman for 6 months. If she came along, others could for you too (or she may wait -- I made my husband go to marriage counselling, I didn't want a man who didn't at least try and be sure he couldn't save his marriage, especially just because I'd come along). I think you underestimate yourself there, there are always "others" if we're open to them but when we're married, not really supposed to be quite that open :-)

What tasks has the marriage counselor given to your wife? Is she working on them? Does she want to continue the marriage, can you tell? I think she's probably feeling lonely and afraid herself. Here her husband is threatening what stability she has. You really need to get communicating where you are, where she is and what you both want to do about it.