It has been a few weeks since I last cut, but when I'm mad or very upset I'll either hit myself or pull my hair or scratch myself to feel pain. I can't cut because if my fiancee or family sees the cuts they'll flip out and I'm scared of losing my fiancee. But I need to, bad, and I don't know what to do I don't know how much longer I can hold out it's all building up inside of me and everytime I feel like doing it my arm throbs and hurts so bad and all I want to do is cry. I feel like a failure and like I don't belong anymore and like I'm a mistake. I'm sorry for all the ranting I just needed to vent.