Ok I'll start with something I wrote awhile ago but it is a clear depiction of how BPD affects me and my life. Now I don't write like this often so if it's crappy and horrible forgive me

I don't remember what I was feeling or what brought this on but obviously I was in "self-loathing" mode
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Destruction

Hurting people. That’s what he was good at. If there was a way to make money off the people he’d hurt in his life, whose lives’ he’d messed up beyond recognition.. he’d be a rich man. Yes, he was truly the expert not in relationship matters but in relationship destruction, squashing of peoples spirits and destroying their character. Funny thing was, it was the opposite of what he strived to be.

In his heart he loved. Loved people, and trying to give to them encouragement and support. It always worked just long enough to get them to start liking him and always, everytime, something changed and he would go through his cycle again. Wanting to get away but at the same time being afraid to do so. So many times, he would push and pull people and then in the end they would tire of the exhaustion they would have to endure just to be with him.

Everytime, he ended up alone. If he wasn’t successful at pushing them away, they left him on their own. Didn’t matter which, the end was always the same, loneliness and self loathing for the things he did to people, for his ability to ruin every relationship he’d ever had

~from S4's blog Quiet Forest