Ok, that sounds like an interesting book. The book that I am suggesting will really ring some bells for you "about yourself" though. And that is very "helpful" when working through PTSD, because the healing comes from being able to see how you, yourself may react to things in unhealthy ways that you are "just not seeing" right now. I could identify with alot of things when I read the book. I sometimes have to go back to it too and think about it again to make sure I am not missing something important about myself that is holding me back.

I hope your therapist is doing some "probing" with your husband in the sessions. Not just asking him to "talk in better tones" but also that he needs to really "observe what he says to you and what his "motives" are behind what he says or how he treats you".

I cannot say enough how important it is to "self observe", we learn so much about ourselves when we make a decision to pay attention to how we react and feel as well as our "own motives". It is very easy to see others who may not treat you the way you "feel you deserve" as monsters when you have PTSD. Well, you have to look deeper than that, be objective too.

For example Big Mama, I have a lot of challenges going on in my life too. I have elderly parents that have issues right now, and an older sister that is very "controlling", it has only been the past couple of months that I have even been able to talk to her at all without getting severely triggered to a point where I just "shut down". My older sister has taken over with my parents, put herself in the "controlling spot" where she can have "legal powers" that I do not have. Talking to her is like playing the operation game, if I am not very careful I can set off a buzzer in her to a point where she shuts me out. She is a "drama queen" so it is hard for me to know what is "the reality" or what she is "blowing up out of poportion".

I talked about it with my T today, he cited some possible NP problems with her. But I don't want to just place her there and hold her up as some kind of monster. Instead I am trying to see "her reality" and what is "really" her motives in this situation. And if she is used to "knowing how to manipulate me" in unhealthy ways, I have to think about not falling into some kind of "codependant" role, and yet effectively interact in ways that are "healthier" for me and the situation. This is not something I could do before because the PTSD was so crippling, but because I have been "gaining" on that, and not just "spinning in my own head, but also learning" I am more capable of taking these careful steps now.

That is what I am trying to encourage you to do, work on yourself "first", having the T help you create a better environment to do that in, then you can tackle some of these bigger decisions and not just "fight or flight" or descend deeper into the PTSD.

Open Eyes