Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladyzero
Astenon, I will answer your points briefly, and explain further tomorrow when feeling up to it more.
He's been patient for a year. At no point did he threaten me, just explained he wants a r/s. Not just text/talk, and never seeing me.
He never suggested to see me just for sex, but explained he has needs, which is natural.
I cancelled numerous dates, often even after he'd planned to cook a meal for us, often short notice.
He isn't going to wait around for ever, and told me, he didn't care if my hair needed doing. He wanted to see me, for me to take the step, outside of the prison I was in.
I am doing all the work at the moment, because I co*ked up ! I couldn't see just how low I was getting.
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Well Ladyzero I feel like you are selling yourself short here. Ok he didn't cheat but the only thing he's doing to help the situation is promising not to leave you if you do whatever he wants. That's not what I would call helpful. Yes he has needs and it's great that you see that. But what about yours? You have completely thrown yours by the wayside here.
A relationship requires two people to function and so it is under no circumstances proper for one person to do all the work. That's how all these stupid power struggles get started. Sure we screw up badly but the other person isn't supposed to sit there with their arms crossed like they run the show. There needs to be some kind of compromise to make things easier. I'm not saying that there aren't times when one person just does something flat out crazy because yeah it happens. But you just don't want sex as much as he does and now you're getting guilt tripped over it. How is that fair to you?
And lets say you go through with this. Will you really be happy? Because all I see happening here is you feeling forced to have sex that you won't want and you'll just end up in the bed thinking about your grocery list or something while he does his thing. How long do you think it will take for you to start feeling resentment? Because it's only a matter of time. There is no doubt in my mind that sooner or later you're going to get fed up with having sex you don't want and that's just going to bottle up inside of you until you just explode one day.
And where does it end? Today it's sex. Tomorrow it's going to be something else. How much of your happiness and how much of yourself are you gong to throw away for someone that hasn't shown the same for you. He's basically telling you to **** him or he'll leave. What kind of crazy ish is that? Who says that to someone they love? Who? Ok sure he makes you feel loved sometimes - makes you feel special and you love that. But what about now? How do you feel now? Do you feel loved right now? Because all I see is you sitting here feeling guilt tripped for standing up for not wanting sex. You didn't burn all the money in the bank account, you didn't lose the house in a poker game, you didn't burn the car down, you didn't hurt the kids - you just don't want sex that much. I mean what kind of reason is that to make you feel guilty?
As far as I can see you really love the guy and you're willing to do whatever just to be with him and that's a beautiful thing. But what is he doing to be with you? I just don't see anything here that shows that he wants to help you make the relationship any better. That doesn't sound right to me. Just my two cents...