Thanks, GreyThinker. That would be a logical place to start. I kind of have started that. I did speak to his children. One of them said, "He really needs to be in a nursing home. He can't be left alone." (His children live thousands of miles away from us.) My S/O would like to continue staying in his apartment. At this time, that is a reasonable option, IF he will make provisions for better safety. I've explained to him specific ways to do that. (e.g. get rid of throw rugs all over the place; rearrange furniture to accomodate his walker.) He ignores, and is even angered by, my suggestions. His children could reinforce my advice. They don't get involved at that level of "logistics." That's how it has always been. Maybe they decided long ago that they won't beat their heads against a wall, knowing how he is.

Sometimes, just by stepping back, it forces a different solution. I fear that something bad is going to happen to him. Perhaps I've been too controlling, and need to let go of trying to make sure things go well for him. Maybe a few things have to not go well before anyone, including him, will think what needs to be done differently.

Whenever he's been critically ill, I've gotten phone calls from one of his children asking me where is the money coming from to pay for his funeral. I'm not his wife, and I don't even live with him. I've decided that's not my responsibility. His kids, who are quite well off, are extremely cheap when it comes to his needs. When I was working, I bought him anything that he needed that he could not afford for himself. He thinks, now, that he would like to get a "scooter," which I think is a good idea. He says he cannot afford the co-pay. His kids wouldn't dream of coughing that up. I looked into it and found that there is a way to finance the co-pay that would be affordable to him. ($50/month) He won't even let me explain that to him. As I think and type, here, I am seeing more clearly why I have gotten so burned out.

Normally, he flies to where his children live to visit with them a few weeks each summer. Already, it's in the air that they don't think this summer will be a good year for them to have him out. (They saw, last year, how poor his walking is. Having him has gotten to be a bit more work for them each year.) As I type my thoughts, it is becoming clear to me that I resent his children so much. Maybe I'm wrong. If they pitched in a bit more, I wouldn't feel like such a sucker.

He was a good provider for his children, when they were growing up. But he sure is not leaving them any inheritance. It seems that's what it is all about. My own father was very stingy toward my sibs and me, and we did so much more for him. Different values . . .

Thanks everyone. I feel better. Some of this has been venting. I needed to. There is literally nowhere else that I can.