Thank you all for your words of encouragment! Def makes me feel better. I found a great article here actually about finding motivation when depressed and I'm going to try it out. It's just really hard sometimes because I'm not getting support from the ones that are the closest to me? It's always "just snap out of it" if it were only that easy. Do they think I enjoy living like this? There was a point in my life about 8 years ago where I was happy and outgoing, now at 27 I feel like I'm 77. All the energy is gone no matter how much rest I get. I do admit I need to get more active and eat better because that does help. Unfortunately that takes effort and some days it's a struggle to just get up and even eat. Then around 4pm when I'm famished ill just binge on junk! It's a sick cycle.

I grew up with an abusive father who used to restrict my diet to save money, dinner would consist of a cup of noodles and a piece of bread, if I was lucky a banana. So yea my eating habits are **** now....my relationship with food is dysfunctional because I'm still that hungry little girl wondering if I'm going to get enough to eat.

Then I had my son at 16 years old. I'm still with his Dad, but after 12 years were not the same people we used to be. There has been infidelity on both sides due to one of us not getting our needs met, and rather than seek help we take it into our own hands to make ourselves happy, but in reality it was all so toxic and now the trust is gone. We still love each other so much, but I honestly think he doesn't like me because the last few years my issues have surfaced after years of repressing them and being the happy go lucky girl he loved. Now I'm just flat, sad, and hurting so deeply. I know I wouldn't want to be around me, but how do I get over this? My whole support system is across the country, all of which don't have technology to face time or Skype. The relationships ive made here are shallow and have fizzled because I have no interest in going out and partying, I have a family to raise. So needless to say I feel alone, aching for relief.

Thankful to have a place to vent and voice my pain to people who go through similar things. So much love sent to all of you, I truly mean that.