I was a bit like that in terms of burying the emotions for the first few years of therapy too Lola (though it doesn't sounds like my experience is exactly like yours).

Surprisingly, I really connected with T and so it would automatically draw up some feelings when I talked about the hard stuff. The whole experience of that was so unnerving and unnatural though, that I would also automatically block the emotions. I would just feel blank whenever she asked a question and annoyingly I ended up saying "I don't know" to a lot, because I really didn't know how I felt or what I'd previously felt at the time she was asking. The things I talked about were only the things I could say while standing from a distance. If T did anything herself that upset me, I might mention it once I was feeling okay again. "It seems silly now, but at the time when you. . .I felt really awful".

I'm so much better now about sharing the true emotions connected with something, but it was such a gradual thing. I noticed it happened really slowly as the trust, stability and duration of the relationship increased. Even now though, I'll often feel no emotions if I talk about something painful from the past. The times when it's more likely to bring up emotions for me, I think, is when it's connected with something in the present. Suddenly something now is making me feel all those same feelings again, and that's when I've been the most able feel the emotions that were once connected with the past (and present) situation, and then share them with T (and not carry them alone anymore).

I think the crazy ruptures between me and T also actually pushed me so far over into desperation too, that suddenly...poor T got all the emotions that I've never shared with anyone. Since then, I have been more able to share the emotions connected with my story...and as a result I think I've had more help with my genuine struggles, rather than talking about it all logically from a great distance. I wouldn't recommend the ruptures though.