Bug, we have so many similarities in our stories. My story involves my brother, a neighbor, a babysitter, my father, my ex-husband. These people either sexually or physically and verbally abused me. My mom also FORBADE me from telling my father what happened. Yet, she also told me that it never happened. And she said that he was drunk--he didn't know what he was doing. My heart really sank that she could say such things! I ran to my room and cried. I was also a "dumb" child about sex until I learned about it at school. Now as an adult, I know that those secret "games" with my brother were really just his way of being doing things to me. He never penetrated, but he pretended. Today my relationship really isn't all that great with my family. There is so much more. Don't feel alone. I've had very similar experiences as you. I had a PTSD reaction to things my exhusband did a couple years ago. I was told a year before about PTSD by my child's psychologist. I thought he was crazy! Gradually, I began to learn more about it and myself. Then from a trigger of my child going back to that same psychologist, the PTSD really hit me and I could no longer deny it to any extent. Have you had any counseling? It's something that you should look into if you haven't already. It helps to talk. This site is a great support system, too. Just writing a post helps you! It's so much easier sometimes to write your feelings. You are off to a great start, bug! Keep posting, okay? We can help each other get through the rough spots. {{{{{{{{{{{bug}}}}}}}}}}}