shortandcute, thanks. I've known elderly and/or disabled individuals who can be a joy to be around. When you are caregiving for someone who is not, it's a whole other kettle of fish. It's nice for your sister that you do acknowledge the challenge she undertook. I'm sure that gratifies her to feel you understood her predicament. That is "sisterhood" at it's best. Where there is a sense of family mutual support, tough things become so very much easier. My own family of origin has kind of disintegrated. I've never been a part of my S/O's family (which his ex-wife, of all people, apologized to me for. She was great to me, but recognized that her adult kids were not.) So it's a lonely undertaking for me. I was a professional caretaker and, at one time, got well paid for what I now do for free. My S/O's eldest is a very well-paid professional care giver. It is hard for me to fend off bitterness. I hate to sound like a martyr here.

allimsaying, Thank you, also. You express precisely a thing that adds so much to the stress. When the burden weighs heavier than necessary, due to avoidable deterioration, it feels like shoveling crap against the tide. As you report . . . same here. He won't always go to MD when it's appropriate. He hides symptoms, until he's in dire straights. While I was at work, once, he called me and said he was about to drive to the hospital because he felt like he was having a heart attack. (!!!) (Oh . . . turned out that he was correct on that.) Another time, he checked out of the hospital ahead of schedual, telling them that he didn't want to stick around for the rehab. He called a friend to pick him up, as he knew I wouldn't have done so. (We were living together, at the time. I'm reminded, now, why I changed that arrangement.) Your post was in depth enough to hit major nails on the head. Rest well, and kudos for acknowledging your sister.

Actually, I'm kind of smiling now. When I think of his antics over the years, it is kind of comical. And he does have his admrable side. He never complains about his pain or limitations. He's been through more major health crises than most people ever face, and it would never occur to him to get depressed for 30 seconds.

I can't seem to fall out of love with him, try though I have. Still, I am aging and am not real well myself, which I flat out told his kids.

Some years back, when he was still walking rather well, his eldest told me to send his wheelchair with him on the plane (in case she needed it.) The airline explained that I would need to package it for handling, like luggage. (They suggested using bungie cords.) I found out that it would be easier to have a rental wheelchair delivered to his daughter's home from a local surgical supply. Soon as I suggested that, she came up with a friend who could lend her one for free . . . . It's like - "Let's make Rose do EVERYTHING to save us having to expend the tiniest bit of effort or money." I mean - you can't make this stuff up. Meanwhile, he raves about how great his kids are to him . . . . I guess that's enough venting for this evening. Thank you all for your patience and kindness.