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Feb 06, 2013, 12:05 AM
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,565
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Quote:
Originally Posted by button30
I am wondering is this possible?
Have any of you experienced it?
The reason I ask is, I would like to have it but I don't. T encourages me to email her but I don't want to become too attached to her so I resist because it will hurt when our therapy ends so I would prefer to keep my distance for now. I have become so afraid to get closer to anyone that I have barriers up and won't let anyone past a certain point. Is it possible to let the barriers up safely?
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It is possible. I experience it. I don't know what 'caused' it to happen. I do know that it took a loooong time. It was not something I sought or 'tried' to have. I think the possibility was provided for because my therapist wanted me to attach to her, and took our relationship very seriously. So she made it her job to "be" a secure attachment figure. Over time, I learned by over and over and over again experiences that she was not going anywhere. I think an important part of the process was the many, many ruptures we had - most of them minor. There was something about her earnest diligence in tending to those ruptures.. her refusal to let me push her away... her refusal to let me accept blame for ruptures.... her chasing me down and never letting me get away with shutting her out.. all of those things played a role in my ultimately feeling profoundly securely attached. I needed that to happen. It has changed who I am. And it's not about her being perfect, by any means. It's about her being "good enough."
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