I've found eye contact to be important too, though it's worked in a slightly different way for me. I started off always looking at T (in fake it mode, I think) and that was when I was disconnected. I stopped looking at her while I talked to her, after our recent ruptures. Partly it was because so much of the hurt came from her and it didn't feel safe to see what she reflected back to me, and part of it was because I was being so open and honest, and connected to my story, I think.

I'm starting to force myself to look at T again now, though I can only do it for a short while and it depends on what we're talking about. It's never been an issue before, so it's quite odd to suddenly struggle with eye contact. I think I never struggled before because I was so careful to lock away all the emotions, so people only saw my falsely bright and cheery exterior. I think now that I'm starting to look at T briefly, while being so honest and open, and while connecting with the emotions, that things are coming together in a way they haven't before.