Hello elizabeth2, and welcome. Congratulations on making the step from just reading newsletters to reaching out and sharing... it is not easy to open up and reveal ourselves to strangers. One thing you probably already know is that everyone's story is different, but usually there is someone who has experienced something similar to everyone else, even if it is only that we all suffer depression and understand how debilitating it can be. I think most of us can relate to feeling ashamed that we struggle to make more of our lives... depression robs us of so much yet we can't see a future past it. Does that sound familiar? For myself, while I am a lot older than you and my children are all grown, I too have that sense of shame that I am reliant on government payments and live with someone rather than having my own home. In my case, it was that I have been unable to get a job so have returned to study. Probably my low self-esteem did not help my job search... and sometimes my study pulls me down too. But there are days when I am glad to have this opportunity to learn, and sometimes what I learn gives me hope. Have you thought about enrolling in a simple class of some kind... it does not have to be academic, it might be something creative like pottery or useful like gardening or how-to-communicate (I found that one amazingly useful ). Yes, I know you feel safe in your room... but I sense your frustration at yourself and maybe you should give it a go . There are always online options which you can do in your room till you get the courage to try something outside. The other thing you might like to think about is volunteering somewhere. I assume your children go to school.... do the school teachers accept parents coming in to listen to children read? Or mix paints, or weed the garden bed? Maybe there is an old folk's home nearby you can visit... old people will happily play games like scrabble with anyone who simply takes the time to sit, and they don't care if there is not much challenge, they are just happy someone is there with them. It's true your depression might stop you getting a paying job, but if you look at the disability pension as the government's way of allowing you to do WHAT YOU CAN, then just do what you can. Start with little steps . Which reminds me... I often find walking helps me not only get out, but with my mindset too - can you walk your children to school, or walk them home?