Hi DarkSoul23, welcome! I love your descriptions and quirky faces . I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and overwhelmed and isolated, but I'm really glad you came here and posted. You sound, like you said, intelligent and ambitious (I shall just have to believe you about the goodlookingness ). How to find direction without direction? Well.... you could come here for a while and vent and try out ideas and bounce things around.... here is a safe encouraging place and often people have great ideas. Here is a starting point, bouncing off from something you said, just as a beginning.......I have sons who are gamers and they frequently go to things called LANs and gamer conventions or hook up their computers at each other's places and play all night while consuming quantities of beer and corn chips . Do you do that, or can you and your cousin get together and invite some online friends around for a real-life meet?