I'm mad today because the idea that I'm not working as hard as another manager got rubbed in (most likely unintentionally). There's a possibility that there will be a big storm on friday, but there's an important practice meeting for an international committee meeting on Friday. The meeting is practice for Monday, so they will meet regardless.

This other manager lives about as far away from work as I do and this storm could cause us a lot of problems. I wanted to get a sense from her if she would stay home if it was bad, but the office didn't close. She then tells me about the practice meeting and that she has to come in regardless in case there are changes.

Well the part that burns me is that a month ago, our manager sent an email saying that I was the one who would make the changes if needed. I found out last week that I wasn't not because I was told, but because I wasn't given any of the information. Now my manager is on vacation and I'm feeling like crap because I can't be the big shot to be there for this.

What's worse is that I don't want to be involved with this meeting. So I'm conflicted. I'm mad that I got cut out of this but mad at myself for being happy I'm not dealing with it (or didn't try harder to get it).

How could I not have self-doubts. Now I'm at work and I don't feel like doing anything. Basically if I can't get any praise for doing my job, then why bother...but I need the money, so I have to somehow motivate myself. It's just everything I have to do takes so much energy and thought. I can't just do mindless work right now until I feel better, so I'm now too distracted to start any projects/finish things.