Hi everyone. I have just had my third psychotherapy session and have yet again come out totally exhausted. I have cried so much about the mother I never had and needed desperately, but it feels cleansing emotionally. My therapist is male and is very kind and already we have a good rapport, I trust him.

The grief is overpowering, the abuse overwhelming and the loneliness is unbearable. I have to set aside my 12 year old neice's abuse by my mother now (she is living with my mother and her father cos of abuse by her own mother). I cannot help her but I pray that she will have the strength and find a way out of her nightmare too. BUT I have to get through this - I have finally found a therapist I can trust completely. Thanks for listening.

I am scared of new beginnings and of going forward but I know I must for my sake and my family.

Today my therapist asked me if I was like my mother in any way. I thought long and hard about this and I put my hand on my heart and said "I can honestly say now that I am not like her at all, a bit highly strung perhaps (because of what I have been through) but no, I am not like her and I am a good person. I have always been honest in all of my entire life (maybe cos I had such a bad mother I did the opposite!)"

My T is going on holiday next week so will miss a session but he really centred me to stay in the present and to take each moment as it comes, to try and not go back in the past for now. I came away feeling quite light and his words stayed with me.