Lately I have been re-examining my life and the issues that have bothered me for years. I've realized that a combination of low self-esteem, shaky self-confidence, worry-prone thinking, very poor assertiveness and social phobias have been major problems; and I have been feeling a serious lack of positive elements in my life, as well as too many stressors recently.

Meds do not work very well for me, but I decided to go back on them because I have been getting severely anhedonic and apathetic in the past months, as bad as I've ever felt. Today I was running late for work, all stressed out, and forgot to take my new short-acting med. All day long I started to brood on my problems, feel anhedonic again, stressed beyond belief, and even started to think some self-destructive thoughts.

It may have been a low med level contributing to it, BUT, I managed to pull myself out!!! I started thinking, "Even an animal caught in a trap - a very real, drastic situation - will gnaw its own leg off if necessary, to escape and survive. So ... why are you not DOING anything, Onwards? Do you feel so powerless? What if it were a friend who was feeling this low? Wouldn't you feel sad that they were giving up on themselves? Do you not care about yourself anymore? FIGHT THIS!!!!!"

And then I realized that yes, my issues with low confidence and low self-esteem must be far worse than I had ever realized ... and I started to shake the negativity off, I fought back!!! I fought for myself.

I was AMAZED to realize how much of my problems really are psychological, and that I can fight them. Therapy last year has helped so much, as has having good friends who let me care.