And now you're also getting to the age where frankly things start to get weird. Like who cares about old people? And all of a sudden you realize they mean YOU. And you realize you yourself don't care about old people. And you realize they just keep young people on a treadmill so they can't think about these things, they don't have time. I always wondered why old movie stars kept trying to work - didn't they have enough money to retire on? Now I get it - it would be great to have a not totally miserable job.

I hope the meds make you feel a little more hopeful. I know I have gone from having a background state of low misery to one where I feel relatively calm answer cheerful. I've always been stupidly hyper but I don't mean that. Just not an impending sense of doom all the time. An impending sense of la famiglia. Of sleeping with the fishes... so to speak...