Thanks for sharing your experience Treehugger. I think I'm going to have to cut my dose further.

I'm not in a good space today. Only had 2 beers last night.
But argued with my boyfriend, who eventually climbed into bed, rolled over, and wouldn't talk. I felt guilty that I'd upset him. I know he was tired, but I also wanted some attention. I eventually played some games on my iPad to distract myself before I could fall asleep. I was nearly in tears.

Had a difficult T session yesterday. I thought I was in a good place. When we started talking, she managed to pry and ask some questions, and the reality hurt.

How do I get over issues, when I got stuck in my emotional growth in the infant stage? As an example - we've worked out that my chronic sense of loneliness is because I only believe a person exists and cares when they are physically in my presence. When they walk away, it's as if they no longer exist. It's not enough for me to hold onto our last conversation and know they do care and are there. This is what infants do... I feel weak and embarrassed.
I then thought about all the issues that I have that have arisen due to me being stuck in the infant stage, and I cringe.
It's like my emotions are stuck at infant stage, but logic has evolved to where I am at now.
We also touched on how I am a people pleaser, and that I am not ever happy, unless I can make someone else happy.
There's just so much... I even said to her I don't know why I still go to therapy when I walk in there fine, and leave a mess. I understand - there obviously is a lot of work to be done.
For the first time ever I nearly burst into tears (my cheeks go bright red with emotions) and I admitted to her that a lot of the emotions were de to the fact that she had spoken so softly and caringly to me, and that it made me feel soft.

Aaaaaa - I'm sure many of you will have plenty of insights to give me. But this is kind of what is going on in my head. I'm going to start writing a bit more between sessions.