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Well Miguel’smom, that ship has sailed. We are very close as a family and are brutally honest with one another. I have had the same concerns since he decided to marry her over a year ago. I’m not opposed to him marrying her mind you. She’s a very sweet girl and once she matures I’m sure she’ll make him a wonderful wife. I’d just like to see her live on her own a bit either going to college or working, to learn some life skills and priorities.
One of the major problems is that I know from experience how difficult it is to be a military wife. I know how hard it is to go from your parent’s home to your husband’s. I was a lot more mature than she is and was raised in a military family so I knew what to expect and it was still difficult to swallow the fact that his job will always come first. It doesn’t matter what is going on at home. My husband was shipped out when our second child was 2 weeks old to get training that was going to be offered on our base a mere week later. It didn’t matter. They wanted him trained on that equipment then and that is it.
She’s been very sheltered and raised with what I believe to be archaic values and expectations. The man goes to work and the woman stays home, looks pretty, keeps the house clean and raises the children (my hand to God, her mother told me this herself). It will take two incomes to make a military family work. She will likely make more money than he working a minimum wage job. But more importantly she hasn’t learned the difference between wants and needs yet. Just four months ago she was literally crying because her father told that $800 was too much to pay for a prom dress that she would wear only one time. We live in a rural area, the average for a formal is about $150. My son bought her the dress.
I also have concerns about my son being able establish these kinds of boundaries. When he first started talking about marrying her, I told him that I thought HE would be ready to get married when he could tell her: “no, we cannot afford that.” When he could make good choices for their life in the long run, rather than satisfy that impulsive desire.
As I mentioned we are a very close loving family. We have included her in every trip to visit our son. We invite her to all family dinners and outings even though my son is not here. She has been included since this relationship became serious. Once they say “I do” she will be family, with all of the privileges and baggage that entails. She wants to live here with us after they’re married while my son is deployed overseas. She’s welcome to live here, I just don’t want her mother dropping by whenever she gets the urge. That woman is bat-crap crazy and I can only handle her in VERY small doses.
It is very difficult to see your children take such a difficult path.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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