I am so crippled up. I am fustrated, I am wearing the mask. I am so upset. I may need to sleep. I gotta do a bunch of Spanish homework. I feel so lithargic. I am so feeling so hopeless. I am egotistical. I am sad. I am worthless. I am angery. I am even mad a God. I am so so mad at everything. I screwed up and my stomach hurts. I am hopeless. I don't want to stalk Lar. I don't want to act out to fustrate him or anyone but I am so sad. I am so mad at myself and God. I can not accept the screw up. I had an ideal future with Lar. It was perfect. It was grand. He and I had so much to give, so much to share. Loved the same stuff. I went out of my mind slightly (but very much) on 2 fridays ago. Now it is all falling like gravity. I earned it and am a loser. I can't win for anything. I am so sick to my stomach. I want to throw up. I want to hide forever. I am a lost cause. razeljenny