I do this too. I can perform against all odds when I need to. I think that it comes with living with a mental illness. We have been pushed into a corner by our own minds and forced to cope and move on with life. We can succeed where others might fail.

but, when things are good... yeah, I have a big problem with those times too. Actually, things are really good for me now, and all I do is wait for that ball to drop. Waiting for it not to be true, for the problems looming in the corner. it drives me mad sometimes, wishing for whatever bad to just hurrry up and get here. I feel for you.... I know what that is like.