i have therapy next week. i know that my problems are negatively affecting my husband and kids. my inability to cope with the dreams i had to give up when we started this family (five years ahead of schedule pretty much, haha) is causing me to be bitter and angry. it's not that i didn't want a family eventually, but if i could have waited life for my husband and kids could have been so much better. but i made a stupid mistake, i can't really blame my husband for it, and we got thrown into this marriage and these kids and until now it's like we haven't had any money or free time. another eighteen years is a long time to wait before we finally get to just be husband and wife. i just wish we could have waited. i can't seem to get over that feeling that if we'd waited, we'd be happier, and maybe i wouldn't be so unable to cope with how disappointed i am in myself.