I don't even know how I got to this place. What happened? what caused this? I feel so hopeless right now. I can't lose the support of this place. Yet it's falling out from under me...

is it that I am not smart enough? You know, to keep up with the debates? am I not trying hard enough? I really want to know! What can I do better? to not be THAT person. I hate that person. I really hate me right now...

it feels like I really, really did something wrong....