I feel the rage alot too. I yell at my fiancee like I hate him. I tell him to leave and that I just want him gone. Sometimes I know I don't mean it and others times I know I do. But the truth is I never mean it. I always want him here, but it just seems so natural to hurt him and be angry. It's like a pounding in my head telling me to scream at the top of my lungs so it will stop hurting me. But I know it all comes in cycles and sooner or later it will be gone and I will be happy again.