I wasn't able to drift off to sleep until about 3:00 a.m., slept until 8:00, woke up with a headache, took something for it, and slept for another hour.

Then I sat around in my pajamas until a friend sent a text to see if I could meet them for lunch in 30 minutes.

Even though I was stinky (not sure when I last showered), I brushed my teeth and put on some clothes really fast and went to meet them.

I forced myself to be around people.

These people have been friends for a long time, but superficial friends. Not deep relationships. I don't have any deep friendships because they always end badly. So it's easier to avoid getting to know anyone to the point where we talk on the phone every day, know each others' secrets, etc. I haven't had that kind of friendship since the last one ended painfully and without explanation about 20 years ago.

After lunch, I got in my car and just sat there wondering where I should go and what I should do next.

Drove home. Sat in car and wondered if I should go in, and what I would do if I went in.

Sometimes I just sit there and my arms and legs feel too heavy to get out of the car.

When I came inside, I watched a viral video that I knew would make me cry. I've had the sniffy-drippy cries for several days and I knew this one would put me into the heaving-sloppy cries. And it did. Sometimes you need to cry hard.

I still haven't seen or spoken to my son since he moved out Saturday. It is now Thursday.

I agree with what you said about how sometimes you've got to feel the sadness, BlueInanna. You've got to feel it to heal it.

Sometimes I think I've spent too much time recently in the middle range of feeling, because of the anti-depressant.

I know I haven't been hypomanic and I really miss it because I need that creativity.

Now that I'm going through this stuff, I'm not sure if this is what "feeling down" is supposed to feel like or if it's a swing toward depression.