When we talk of trauma and PTSD, many assume "events," but with complex PTSD and even not complex, things like neglect, emotional and/or physical, are powerful factors that often produce more effects than actual "events," not to minimize traumatic events by any means. It's often a combination that makes this difficult to sort out.

I too was told essential that I was on my own, as were all of my siblings. My mother was probably a depressive or Asperger's, but just wasn't there. Mostly shopping or watching TV in bed. My father was literally gone, out to sea for most of my childhood on ships in the Navy. As the oldest, I took care of the younger ones, starting from a very early age, when I learned to cook and diaper. The emotional neglect of not really even existing in a way set the stage for later traumas. And in a way this neglect is more "core" than the actual events, though less clearly identifiable.

As with trauma, I have found partial avoidance, in one form or another, to be something I have done, but the pain is still there. Recently I tapped into a pocket of this pain and something different happened. I felt a great relief once I had really experienced it and talked with my therapist about it in a very emotional way. But even he suggested that no one can bear that kind of pain all the time and need to be away from it. So like I said earlier, I find anti-anxiety meds very helpful for general functioning.