I have a similar problem, and mine also started when our child was born, 11 years ago. It's like nature sais, "OK, done that man, now lets get another and keep the gene pool varied!".

I went to the local free family center counsellor, for several weeks, and it helped me to gain the confidence to talk to my husband, because that's who I needed to talk to, not the counsellor. It also showed my husband that there really was something wrong, and this started us off on both trying to make it better.

We have had several difficult conversations since, and I didn't cry when we have talked lately. But like you I was really afraid to tell him how I felt about things I thought would hurt him. I'm taking things one step at a time. It does take trust and courage to share personal problems with someone close to us, because it makes us vulnerable, and I have feared ruining my marriage and regretting it. I guess I gained a feeling that whatever would happen was for the best, because honesty was the ticket out of my anxiety caused health problems. He has been more understanding since the counselling.

I was also depressed with postpartum for the first four years of our child's life. Yeah, it changed me too. I cried a lot, and I cried about crying. What helped was taking time to myself, and preschool starting!

So my advice is to take the risks necesary to make things better, gradually, one step at a time.