I just joined this site and I can't believe I have the exact ditto problems as yours. Im 19 aswell and I feel empty all the time. I just feel I don't deserve the **** that happened to me. I got out of rehab a few months back and ever since then I feel that rehab took away a part of myself and now it's gone. I'm extremely self destructive and impulsive. I always get hurt no matter how hard I try not to. All my life people have let me down. Always. And then one day after facing that mental torture of unstable relationships and abusing drugs and enduring rehab you gain strength and somehow get slightly over all of it ...you start over and you're numb but a guy makes you fall for him. He keeps trying to win you over relentlessly. You swear to yourself you won't feel . Hell you don't't have the heart in you to feel but after a while you do and you're faced with your worst nightmare. I'm back to square one now. I won't relapse though. All I know everydays a battle for me. I'm just tired. And empty. Im tired of keeping up appearances and covering my sorrow